uncle bucks humor blog: 2006-10-08

Avid Skier

An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major mountains in the world. He spent a decade at this, climbing and then skiing
the world's major peaks.

Finally he decided he must ski Mt. Fiji, in Japan. He bade farewell to his wife and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.

The fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier climbed to the top of Fiji and then skied down.

So thrilled was he with his achievement that he decided to send his wife a postcard of Mt. Fiji, describing his feat. While in the
shop buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to buy a postcard picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his old college
roommate.

Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and sent them to the wrong recipients.

On the back of the card showing Mt. Fiji, which he mistakenly sent to his old roommate, he wrote: "Having fun in Japan!"

And on the back of the card showing the scantily clad geisha, which he mistakenly sent to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I went down on Thursday!"

The Garage Door:

BOSS WALKED INTO THE OFFICE ONE MORNING NOT KNOWING THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS DOWN AND HIS FLY AREA IS WIDE OPEN. HIS SECRETARY WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID BOSS THIS MORNING WHEN YOU LEFT YOUR HOUSE, DID YOU CLOSE YOUR GARAGE DOOR?"
THIS WAS NOT A PHRASE THAT HER BOSS UNDERSTOOD, SO HE WENT INTO HIS OFFICE LOOKING A BIT PUZZLED. WHEN HE WAS ABOUT DONE WITH HIS PAPERWORK HE SUDDENLY NOTICED THAT HIS ZIPPER WAS NOT ZIPPED UP.
HE ZIPPED UP AND REMEMBERING WHAT HIS SECRETARY HAD TOLD HIM, FINALLY UNDERSTOOD.
THEN HE INTENTIONALLY WENT OUT TO ASK FOR A CUP OF COFFEE FROM HIS SECRETARY. WHEN HE REACHED HER DESK, HE SAID "WHEN YOU SAW THE GARAGE DOOR OPEN DID YOU SEE MY EXPEDITION PARKED IN THERE?
"THE SECRETARY SMILED FOR A MOMENT AND SAID "NO BOSS I DIDN'T, ALL I SAW WAS A MINI COOPER WITH 2 FLAT TIRES"

You're Screwed

This guy walks into a bar and sees a girl all alone crying. He walks over to her and asks her why she is crying. She replies "I have never been hugged before." So he gives her a hug and then he leaves.

He comes back a couple of hours later and he sees that the girl is still there and she is still crying. He walks up to here and asks her why she is crying again. She said "Because I've never been kissed before." So he kissed her and then he left.

He came back that night and she was still there and she was still crying. He asked her why she was crying and she said "Because I've never been screwed before."

So he took out on his boat and when they were out on the ocean he took a rope and tied up her hands and feet and threw her off the boat. After this he says "Now you're screwed!"