Watch who you pizz off
posted by Uncle Buck @ 8:05 PM
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
The New Salesman
This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it?"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in.
She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35."
She: "How much for the black one?"
He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one."
She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before."
She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?"
He: "$35."
She: "How much for the white one?"
He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one."
She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..."
She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?"
He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black."
She: "Hmmmmm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?"
He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...."
She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?"
To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"
posted by Uncle Buck @ 1:43 AM
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Monday, October 16, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Lisa and Rose decided to rob a bank together.
Lisa plans the robbery and goes over the plan with Rose, in great detail.The robbery begins.Lisa drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Rose, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?""Perfectly," said Rose.Rose goes in the bank while Lisa waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass and Lisa is really stressing out.Finally, the bank doors burst open!And here comes Rose. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.About the time she gets the safe in the back of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.As the girls are getting away, Lisa says "I thought you understood the plan!"Rose said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!""No, you idiot," said Lisa. "I said tie up the guard and blow the safe!"
One minute passes . .
Two minutes pass . . .
Seven minutes pass and Lisa is really stressing out.Finally, the bank doors burst open!And here comes Rose. She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car.About the time she gets the safe in the back of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out.The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.As the girls are getting away, Lisa says "I thought you understood the plan!"Rose said, "I did. I did exactly what you said!""No, you idiot," said Lisa. "I said tie up the guard and blow the safe!"
posted by Uncle Buck @ 4:06 AM
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WOMEN'S ASS SIZE STUDY
*There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses!
*The results were pretty interesting:
*1. 85% of women think their ass is too big..
*2. 10% of women think their ass is too little...
*3. The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
*The results were pretty interesting:
*1. 85% of women think their ass is too big..
*2. 10% of women think their ass is too little...
*3. The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
posted by Uncle Buck @ 3:43 AM
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